Re-reading my post about my shitty weekend has made me determined to salvage something from the wreckage. There’s always (alwaysalwaysalways) a positive to be found in any mess.
I’m gutted that I allowed myself to get to the point where I was prepared to drink (there should be a minimum of 16 obstacles between me and a glass of wine at all times!), but there’s not much sense in dwelling on the negatives or hating myself for it. I just need to learn from it and put more effort into strategies to eject myself from that spiral of panicky thoughts that led me to that point. I need to be able to recognise that my thoughts are heading south and put a stop to them before I reach the point of no return.
So I guess my first positive to be found is that I didn’t actually reach the point of ‘no return’. I didn’t get to the ‘fuck-it‘ point and just order a glass of wine. On the surface I thought that was because I couldn’t bear being on the end of disapproving tutting from my boyfriend, but thinking back to a month or two ago (if I’d been in the same headspace I was in on the weekend) a bit of disapproving tutting wouldn’t have stood between me and a glass of pinot grigio! I hope that means that I’m subconsciously becoming stronger in my sobriety.
I’m also gutted I didn’t make more of our time away, but I have my whole life to master sober travelling. In the meantime I need to get a better grasp of triggery situations. We went for a couple of evening walks, but next time I think I’ll just skip evening plans altogether – evenings weren’t a fun time on that holiday. Next time I need to have more morning plans – brunch will be mandatory every day. Evenings can be spent missing the sunset in favour of reading indoors (at least until sober holidaying comes more naturally).
Until we meet again holiday sunsets!
Speaking of reading, if you like a good thriller, check out ‘The Truth about the Harry Quebert Affair’. I have Annie Grace’s The Naked Mind on my reading pile, but quite frankly that’ll have to wait because finding out who the killer is in this book is more important than my sobriety right now! 🙂
The other positive, that I failed to see at the time, is that this weekend was so abysmally shitty because it was in stark contrast with my day to day life. It’s helped me to realise that these horrible yucky panicky feelings don’t exist in my day to day life anymore. It’s probably because I’ve had a tonne of practice spending weeknights being sober and productive, and it’s going to take a bit longer to clock up a lot of practice sober holidaying… I guess the weekend just put things in perspective a bit and has shown me how far I’ve come since the horrors of my first month sober.
Day to day sober life sucks significantly less these days. Holidays I will need to work on 🙂